Tips To Build Solid Relationship

The whole world is about people and how you bond to them. They will never remember what and how you achieved great things but they will always remember how you made them feel. So be sure to make them feel good most of the time and they will capture your heart. Starting near about you, how do you behave with the people encircling you? Let’s dive into this discussion. Read on to find out.

Starting with your own family, how do you react towards them? Are you pissed off or lighthearted? If you are ill-tempered, you have something to work on. You need to cool down and then start talking to your family members. You need to behave well, especially for your children because they are picking up cues from you all the time. You don’t want them to grow up to ill-tempered and non-sensible adults.

After getting out of your home, you will meet the doorman and probably the gardener. Say hello to them cheerfully and smile. Immediately you bond a relationship with them – that also a meaningful and promising one.

When you go to the supermarket, you will probably meet some known or unknown faces. Smile and talk cheerfully, draw up on your credit card and pull the cart away to avoid chaos. If you meet friends there, be sure to strike a lovely, short conversation and be back home or some other place on your agenda.

Wherever you meet people, make eye contact and smile. They will smile back and you will bond together positively.

As for me, I frequently visit confectionery, stationery and pharmacy shops near my home. All the people in there have come to know me. I am always cheerful and have bonded positively with them. So they take care to hand over their best products and never cheat on me. So bonding with the people you see every day has an upside.

I recently visited my aunt who lives a long distance away from our home. Last time I visited her, we struck a lively and jolly conversation. At the end she handed me a big deep blue decorative bag as a gift which I still use today for grocery shopping. Presently when I visited her, I gave her a bangles set bought from U.S and she loved them. All her three daughters are staying abroad and so when I visit her, I fill up some space in her heart and she treats me like her daughter.

There are examples of people like this everywhere in our lives. We just need to know how to connect to them positively. You never know who you will come to need in a time of crisis or danger. So remember to smile at people and bond gracefully and above all, make them feel good in a way they will love and remember you.

The Reason You Feel Emotionally With Your Parents

In today’s world, it is not uncommon for someone to say that they need to be with another person in order to feel complete. Yet, even if they don’t say this explicitly, their behaviour could say this implicitly.

Popular Culture

When it comes to films, music and TV shows, this is a theme that is often played out in one way or another. Someone is then not a whole human being; they are missing part of themselves.

And the part that they need is to be found in another person, which is why they will need to find the right person. At the same time, there is also another dynamic that is common, and this is where someone comes across as though they are needless.

One Extreme to the other

This person can create the impression that they are their own island and that they don’t need anyone. So, unlike the person who is needy, they will present themselves as being strong and capable.

Nevertheless, although this person can appear to be more evolved than the other person, it doesn’t mean that this is actually the case. In reality, it could be a sign that they feel ashamed of their own needs.

A Strong Need

With that aside, if someone doesn’t feel whole it is going to be normal for them to look for another person to complete them. Also, this could be seen as the truth as opposed to something that they believe.

If they are single, then, a lot of their energy is likely to be directed towards finding someone to be with. From the outside, it could be as if they are a child who has been left by their parents.

A Struggle

This person might still be able to go to work and function relatively well, but it doesn’t mean that they will be able to perform at their best. Their need to be with someone could still consume their mind.

Alternatively, one might not be able to function unless they are with someone. This is likely to give them an even greater need to find someone to be with.

Another Experience

Conversely, one might do everything they can to make sure that they don’t end up by themselves, when a relationship comes to an end. Thus, even if one is in a relationship, they could have a number of other people on the sidelines.

Or, they could start seeing someone else before the relationship they are in comes to end. In general, this will stop them from having to experience too much pain.

The One

When they meet someone who they are attracted to, the experience they have could be similar to how a child feels when one of their parents appear (that is if this parent treats the child well, of course). Up until this point they may have felt empty, but now they will probably feel complete.

What will play a big part here will be brain chemicals that are released during this time, with these chemicals making them feel as though they have been taken to another planet. One could then come to believe that they are in love.

Separation Anxiety

As a result of this, there is a strong chance that one will find it hard to spend time away from this person. When they are with them everything could seem perfect, but when they are away from them, they could be overwhelmed by fear and anxiety.

Due to this, it might not take long before they move in with the other person, or until the other person moves in with them. And as they come across as needy and weak, the person they are with will probably come across as strong and powerful.

The Centre of Their World

One is going to feel like an empty human being, and this is why they are dependent on someone else. Their happiness, safely and survival will be seen as something that is in their partners hands.

It can be hard to comprehend why the other person would be interested in someone who is so needy and dependent, yet they are also likely to find it hard to be by themselves. The image that they present to the world – of being strong and having it all together – is likely to hide how weak and vulnerable they feel on the inside.

What’s going on?

One way of looking at this would be to say that it is love; another way of looking at it would be to say that this is what happens when someone is carrying trauma. This trauma is going to be what is stopping them from feeling like a while human being.

The reason they are carrying trauma is likely to be due to what took place when they were growing up. At this time in their life, they may have been abused and/or neglected, and this would have stopped them from getting what they needed to develop in the right way.

Projection

The parts of themselves that they haven’t realised end up being displaced onto the people they end up with. One then looks like an adult, but they view other people through the eyes of the wounded child that is within them.

If one received the care that they needed as a child, they would feel like an interdependent human being. But as this didn’t take place, and they haven’t worked through the trauma within them, they feel like a dependent child.

Awareness

If one can relate to this, and they want to embrace their inherent wholeness, they may need to reach out for external support. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

How To Fulfill Your Demand

THE question is rhetorical. Of course, we cannot give to another that which we demand for ourselves.

Yet, so many relationships are pitched this way: you give me what I want (read: demand) and then I will give you what you want.

It is insanity, and if only both parties could take a step back and have an objective look as a third person would, they would know.

The conditionality of such a statement – you give me what I demand and then I will give you what you want – means no one is going to get what they want.

Either both win, or both lose, and nobody can win if one party refuses to soften their stance. And yet, it takes just one party to begin the heart-softening process, full of the spirit of humility (otherness). And such true softening is a stance that stays there. (It’s not a fleeting thing. A soft heart stays soft. But, in truth, most relationships need outside help when hearts are hard.)

Relationships never prosper when only one party gives all the time, and yet, when there is quarrelling, both parties mirror each other, saying – “I’m the one giving and giving and giving, all they do is take, take, take.” How can this be the true reality when the other person is saying basically the same thing? Ask any relationship counsellor, they’ll say this is common. It is infuriating for everyone, certainly most when you’re one of the parties to the conflict – “How can they say that?!” It just creates more derision.

So, who is right? If one is right, so is the other. If one is wrong, so is the other. So we’re advised to break past the thinking, “I’m right, you’re wrong.” The relationship can only tear apart if that attitude is sustained.

From their own view only, each party is right. But God’s truth works on the axis of reality, which is real from all viewpoints: all truth, one side of the truth in truthful tension with the other side of the truth.

We can only begin to see God’s truth in the vista of reality when we intentionally land in the other person’s shoes and commit to staying there. Only then will there be viability to the blessed hope of reconciliation.

Secrets For Couples

This is the second post on my HUMANOLOGY FOR COUPLES series. Many people ask me how relationships should be handled so they can remain solid and stable. These posts offer you some ideas and tips that I hope will help you understand some of the important aspects involved in relationships.

When human beings are born, they are born without beliefs. Beliefs are deduced from the experiences they then start having: from what they see, hear or live. Thus, many of the beliefs that a human being has stem from childhood, from the person’s environment and from their families. For example, having grown up in Spain, loud voices were the common thing and quite accepted; but when I lived in Russia, loud voices were considered very rude.

All human beings need beliefs. They constitute our foundations and lead each of us into seeing the world the way we see it. Strong beliefs represent solid foundations. Questioning beliefs results in uncertainty, insecurity and doubt. Beliefs exist in every field of life and can be grouped into different basic topics: The beliefs a human being has lead him or her to see the world a certain way. Some of those beliefs, we’re not even aware of; in time, they become subconscious and we just assume that the world is the way we happen to see it. We internalize them so much that they become the normal thing. Then, when relationships are established, the set of personal, religious, social, cultural and other beliefs that each partner has will affect the way in which the relationship is approached and maintained. So, if one of the partners believes that free, open relationships are the only way to go and the other partner’s beliefs are that only complete devotion to the other is the right approach, they will sooner or later encounter difficulties.

  • Family beliefs: the ones shared by the family members
  • Social beliefs: the ones shared by the social class and social group that we grow up in or live in
  • Religious beliefs: the ones derived from the religion we are taught at home or at school
  • Cultural beliefs: the ones derived from our national or ethnic environment
  • and many others

When beliefs are not obvious, some people just neglect them and move on. This results in unsolved issues within couples.For a couple to be strong and balanced, each partner should know his or her beliefs and share them with the other, in an attempt to make understanding easier. Knowing what your partner believes, even if different from your own beliefs, will help you understand their position and opinions. This doesn’t necessarily mean that your partner will be convinced by your beliefs or by what you’re sharing. But understanding where you’re coming from is a first step in the direction of shared growth.

How can you know what beliefs you have, if some of them are subconscious? I recommend the following, very simple exercise, that can be done individually and its results, or some of them, then shared with others.

For a couple of weeks, carry a small notebook and pen with you wherever you go. You can also use your recording system on your phone. Every time you hear yourself say anything that begins with any of the following phrases: write whatever it is that you said on your notebook. You can also note down all your thoughts beginning with those phrases. After two weeks, go over your notes. They will represent many, if not most, of your beliefs.

  • I think that…
  • I believe that…
  • I suppose that…
  • I can/can’t…
  • I should/shouldn’t…
  • and similar ones,

Once you know what you believe, feel free to share that information with your partner. Try and find where your beliefs are different. Don’t question them, though. As a first step, just acknowledge your beliefs and your partner’s beliefs. Understanding how we see the world is a big step forward in human growth. Understanding how your partner sees it can help you explain why the two of you sometimes clash so much.Based on your discovered beliefs then ask yourself: how do I expect myself to behave in relationship? What do I think is the “right” behavior? What do I expect my partner’s behavior to be like? How does his/her behavior differ from my expectations? Can I live with that difference and accept that my partner is behaving the way he/she thinks is correct based on his/her own beliefs? How do I behave that clashes against what my partner expects from me? Can my partner live with the difference between what is expected and my real behavior? The answers to these questions will give you a very clear understanding of where you and your partner are in your relationship.

Most beliefs can’t be changed at will. They require a more complex process. That’s why I’m just recommending that you acknowledge your beliefs and those of your partner and try and work together on acceptance. If you happen to come across a belief in your partner that you can’t live with, you can try and explain your reasons. Your partner can accept them or not. By discussing the beliefs that are limiting your relationship, you might both come to a deeper understanding of each other. That usually is enough to help a relationship move forward.

If it is not, whatever belief is blocking the way, be it yours, be it your partner’s, it won’t just go away. It will constantly create friction. Being aware of this is also very important. Once you know it, you will both have to decide what else you’d like to do. At that point, the help of a humanologist can be very useful. The work we do includes helping other human beings identify, question and change beliefs of all types.

So, work on your beliefs while your partner works on his or hers. Then discuss them. That might just do the trick. If you discover that you’re still truly stuck, contact your humanologist to get some help. After all, beliefs are personal and not that easy to handle

Meanwhile, remember to enjoy life… ALL of it,