Time To Share Your Feelings

Would you like to draw closer to your partner? Here is an exercise you can do with your spouse that can help you disclose feelings you might have kept hidden or unrevealed. Today you are going to improve your Relationship Quotient by expressing your feelings openly, honestly and maturely.

Author Gary Smalley explains that people with high RQs feel comfortable expressing their feelings frequently, in a climate of trust and acceptance.

Those with average RQs are somewhat lacking of passion. The lack of passion is proportional to the lack of confrontation. The couple is together in spirit, but not in soul. Think of Ward and June Cleaver from the television show “Leave it to Beaver” (1957-1963). There were very few personal crises or epiphanies that surfaced in their relationship. Although the couple appeared compatible, their relationship seemed bland.

Those with low RQs are at war with each other and their emotions. The classic television couple Edith and Archie Bunker (All in the Family, 1971-1979) were always at odds; she was flustered, frequently whined and ran out of the room in the heat of an argument or during any conversation with her husband, while Archie grimaced, grunted, bellowed and ridiculed.

You don’t want to be like most television couples. Situations are concocted for comedy, shock value or ratings. They are often so far removed from reality and emotional health that we cannot garner too many positive examples from television couples.

As you work on improving your “Relationship Quotient,” I want you to begin by being aware of your feelings. Get comfortable with them, accept them and express them in ways your partner can appreciate, understand and support. Don’t be overly cautious about expressing your feelings, but be careful of spewing your emotions without consideration of your partner’s frame of mind.

For example, if your spouse walks in the door from a stressful day at work, take a few moments to let him or her unwind before sharing your concern(s). Share your feelings at the right time, when your partner is ready to listen and respond.

Sometimes we want solutions and advice; many times we just want to be free to be who we are, without judgment or criticism.

JUST FOR TODAY, THINK OF FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS THAT YOU’VE WANTED TO REVEAL OR EXPRESS AND TAKE A RISK BY SHARING THEM.

If you do not receive support or understanding for your feelings, do not make demands or initiate an argument. Instead, understand that your partner is unable or unwilling to be a good listener AT THIS TIME. “At this time” is temporary. You are only responsible for bringing up your feelings at an appropriate moment, and you cannot expect a particular reaction from your spouse. Accept it for what it is and remember that you cannot control his or her response.

The success of this exercise does not depend upon your spouse’s response, but on your ability and willingness to express your feelings.

Many of us are familiar with a few key primary emotions: anger, joy, fear, sadness, love. Try to be aware of what specific feelings arise. There could be a combination, and some might be more dominant than others. This could give you a clue as to what you might need to overcome or manage.

Why You Need Silly Ways With Your Partners

In order to ignite or get the spark of your ongoing relationship, you need to play with each other and be silly for a few minutes during the day. This strengthens the bond and helps you feel better about yourself and each other. So how do you play? Read on for tips.

Here they are:

  1. Run and make her chase you

Grab something important from your partner and run. She will chase you desperately. Make it a long enough run in your home premises. Finally come to a pause and let her get the stuff that rightly belongs to her. This kind of silly play makes you both alive and naughty and at the same time you treasure your relationship very much.

  1. Give her a surprise

When she is in the kitchen cooking busily something delicious for the family, close her eyes from the back gradually without frightening her. Ask in a fake voice what she is doing. If she recognizes your voice, she will start laughing and accept the bouquet of roses from you heartily, which you really meant as a surprise. Gestures like this help to keep your relationship solid and prospective and so plan and do more of them often.

  1. Rotate together

Lift her by the legs, hold her strong and rotate. Both of you will enjoy the fun and laugh heartily. Do it more frequently and your relationship will soar.

  1. Dance

Dance together and move your body parts crazy with disco music. Make it as quick as possible so that you and your spouse get spent at the end of the music. Both of you will have quite an experience and you will bond together with her more closely.

  1. Keep snapping her

When you see that your spouse is in a bad mood, take hold of your digital camera and start snapping all her poses until she is helpless and can only laugh out in joy and humor.

  1. Beat about the bush

So he asked you a question. Simply beat about the bush and don’t give him a plain and simple answer until you have played for a while. Wait until he gets mad. Then pause and start laughing. Confess: I wanted to see you get mad!! He will probably feel the humor and cheer up.Summing up, these are six great ways to play and laugh silly with your partner and get the mojo of life. These are moments to capture and savor. After all, life on this earth is short – so make the best out of it. A loving close relationship through foolish playing, whenever you can, always pays off.

The Reason Why Woman To Be Saved

If a man was to find out that a woman is unable to handle life and needs other people to prop her up, he could soon come to the conclusion that it would be better for him to move on. It will be only too clear that being with a woman like this is going to be more trouble than it’s worth.

Two Parts

Now, this is not to say that they won’t find her attractive, for instance, as they might be drawn to her appearance. What it means is that this is not going to be enough for them to do something that they will later regret.

The man could take their mind into the future and think about what their life would be like in a little while. This is then going to be enough for them to take step back and to pay attention to their mind, as opposed to their emotions and bodily sensations.

Past Experiences

There may have been a time in their life when this wasn’t the case, thereby causing them to end up with the wrong women. Being drawn to women like this might have caused them to experience a lot of pain.

However, while these experiences would have taken a lot out of them, they also would have taught them a lot. He would then have been able to turn these ‘negative’ experiences into ‘positive’ experiences.

Give and Take

Since that time in his life, he is likely to have been with a least one woman who didn’t need to be saved. What this would have meant was that their relationship was about give and take, meaning one person wouldn’t have had to do all of the work.

And, as it wasn’t a one-sided relationship, it would have stopped them from feeling undermined. It would have been an area of their life that nourished them and made it easier for them to function at their best.

A Different Scenario

On the other hand, there are going to be plenty of men who are only interested in woman who can’t handle life. This is not to say that this is what will come out of their mouth; what it means is that these are the kinds of women who will press their buttons, so to speak.

In fact, it might not even occur to a man like this that not only are their women out there who are different, but that they themselves can be with a woman like this. So, if they were to come into contact with a woman who doesn’t need to be saved, they are not going to be interested.

Close, but not Too Close

A man like this could walk by these kinds of women in their day-to-day life, yet that could be as close as they will get. Consciously, they won’t know that these women are available, yet it could be said that another part of them will.

Nevertheless, while they will rarely come into contact with women who are like this, they will have no trouble coming into contact with women who aren’t. It can then seem as though they just happen to meet women who need to be rescued.

A Strong Attraction

When a man meets a woman like this and he is attracted to her, he could believe that it is due to what she looks like, along with her personality. This can sound accurate, but if this woman didn’t need to be rescued, he probably wouldn’t be attracted to her.

What this shows is that his mind will rationalise why he is drawn to her, which will stop him from having to take a deeper look into what is really going on. Said another way, what is taking place at a deeper level will be overlooked.

Inner Model

Nonetheless, if man has always been this way, he might not even realise that he is trying to rescue them. He could believe that this is just what relationships are like between a man and a woman.

The man is then going to be the person who sacrifices himself in order to make the other person’s life better. Along with this, he could believe that women are incapable of handling life without the help of a man.

The Other Side

Still, this is not to say that the man will always be happy with experiencing life in this way, as there are likely to be moments when this causes him to feel drained and burdened. He is going to be used to ignoring his needs and focusing on the woman’s needs, so this is to be expected.

Ultimately, he has needs and this is why being in a relationship that is out of balance is going to weaken him. If he didn’t have needs, it wouldn’t matter if he focused purely on a woman’s needs and ignored his own.

A Deeper Look

A man like this is going to give too much and the women that he attracts are not going to give enough, that’s if they give anything at all. The man is going to be more like a father and the woman is going to be more like a needy child.

What this is likely to illustrate is that the man feels ashamed of his own needs and, deep down, he might feel like a needy child. Through feeling ashamed of his own needs, he will have the need to come across as needless and strong, but this is just going to be an act.

In The Beginning

The reason he is experiencing life in this way is likely to be due to what happened when he was younger. This is likely to have been a time when his needs were ignored and he was expected to fulfil his caregiver’s needs, as well as the needs of his siblings.

He would then have come to believe that there was something inherently wrong with his own needs and he would have had to develop a false-self. On the outside, he would come across as strong and mature for his age, but underneath this mask would have been a deeply wounded child.

Awareness

The years would then have passed, but this wounded child will still live within the man and define how he behaves. It is then going to be essential, that’s if he wants to change, for him to heal the wounded child that is within them.

This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

When You Feel Trapped Each Others

While reaching out to others and experiencing intimacy is normal for some people, there are others who experience life in a very different way. When someone can reach out to others and experience intimacy, they could be in a fulfilling relationship.

However, even if they are not with someone at this stage in their life, there are bound to be other people in their life who they can connect with. When one is around someone like this, they will be able to share who they are.

True-Self

Said another way, there will be no reason for them to wear a mask and therefore, to put on an act. There are likely to be moments when they are unable to express who they are, so they may have to wear a mask.

If they didn’t do this, it might cause them to be harmed in some way, and this is why there are going to be moments when they won’t be able to reveal themselves. But when they are with the people who they are close to, this won’t be the case.

Boundaries

What this will also show is that one feels safe enough to express who they are around these people. As a result of this, they are not going to have a fear of losing themselves around others or of being harmed.

This is going to be why they are able to share their inner world to begin with. If they didn’t feel safe enough to stay in their body around others and to open up, their life would be very different.

The Key

It is then not that this person is lucky and just happens to experience life in this way; what it comes down to is that they have good boundaries. This is what allows them to act like an individual.

Perhaps this is how this person has always experienced life, or maybe this is the result of the work that they have done on themselves. On the other hand, when someone doesn’t experience life in this way, this could be how their life has always been.

Overwhelmed

When they are around others, they can feel the need to get away or they can end up disconnecting from what is taking place within them. Due to this, it is going to be a challenge for them to express their true-self around others.

One can then end up spending a lot of time by themselves as this will stop them from having to experience extreme discomfort. Also, through being in their own company, they will be able to connect to who they are.

Out of Their Body

If they are around someone or a group of people, they could end up leaving their body and moving their point of awareness up into their mind. One is then going to be out of touch with most of their needs and feelings and this can cause them to play a role.

And as one will be out of touch with their inner world, it won’t be possible for them to experience intimacy. Consequently, they can feel just as lonely around others as they do by themselves.

Hidden

At the same time, if they are able to connect to themselves when they are in their own company, it might not be as bad for them to be by themselves. They won’t have anyone around them, but at least they won’t need to put on an act or to feel overwhelmed.

Still, when they are by themselves, they will they come into contact with their need to connect to others. That is, of course, unless they consume something (or a number of things) to push this pain out of their awareness.

A Short-Lived Affair

If one has been with people in the past, they may find that they were fine in the beginning and then they had to leave before long. They may have just felt compelled to end the relationship.

It was then not something that they consciously decided to do; their body would have made the decision for them. These people might have been left confused but one would have just needed to get away.

A Number of Words

If one was to get in touch with how they feel when they are around others or in a relationship, for instance, they could say that they feel trapped, smothered, or even claustrophobic. Getting away is then going to be seen as the only way for them to change how they feel.

The trouble with this is that it stops them from being able to fulfil their need to express their true-self and to experience intimacy with others. Additionally, this will also make it difficult for them to be intimate with themselves.

A Closer Look

One way of looking at this would be to say that one needs to change their thoughts, as this will allow them to change their behaviour. Another approach would be for them to focus on their body and to see why this is happening.

If one feels trapped when they are around others and needs to get away, it is as though their body goes into the freeze response and then into the flight response. This is usually what happens when someone feels as though they are under attack.

Trauma

There is going to be no reason for their body to respond in this way; it is not as though their life is under threat. Nevertheless, there was probably a time in their life when it was under threat, and this is why their body is responding in this manner.

The beginning of their life may have been a time when they were smothered by one of their parents. This might have taken place when they were a baby, meaning they wouldn’t have been able to do anything about it.

Awareness

If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they might need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.

The trauma that is within them will need to be dealt with and, as this takes place, it will be easier for them to be in the present moment.